He says ‘I don’t get it, why are you still a virgin at 24?’

He says ‘I don’t believe you, I’ve seen you walk, virgins don’t walk like that’

He says, ‘That ain’t natural, people are supposed to fuck.’

He asks ‘Why though? No offence though.’

I ask ‘When was your first time?’

He says ‘I was 12’

He says ‘I know what you’re thinking, that’s too young.’

I look at his knuckles, he has two good hands.

He says ‘She was older than me.’

I ask ‘How old?’

And he says ‘It’s better that the girl is older, that’s how I learnt all things I know’

He licks his lips.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘I could use one finger to make you sob’

I think of my brother in prison and I can’t remember his face.

I ask again ‘How old?’

He says ‘Boys become men in the laps of women, you know?’

I think of my mother’s face lined with her bad choices in men.

He says ‘If you were mine you wouldn’t get away with this shit, I’d eat you for hours, I’d gut you like fruit.’

I think of my cousin’s circumcision, how he feels like a mermaid, not human from the waist down.

He says ‘I’d look after you, you know?’

I laugh, I ask for the last time ‘How old?’

He says ‘34.’

He says ‘She was beautiful though and I know what you’re thinking but it’s not like that, I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man. No one could ever hurt me’.

Warsan Shire, Crude Conversations With Boys Who Fake Laughter Often (via stillmeaningless)

badnatured:

no wonder they’re called oral presentations they suck dick

Reporter Polsatu czekał w Gdańsku na reprezentację Bułgarii. Chciał porozmawiać z Konstantinowem o mistrzostwach. Bułgar, który przed kilku laty grał przez rok w Jastrzębskim Węglu, wstępnie się zgodził. Ale kiedy zobaczył mikrofon z logo Polsatu, zapytał, czy to ta telewizja, która transmituje dla Polaków mundial. Gdy usłyszał potwierdzenie, stwierdził, że nie będzie rozmawiał na znak protestu przeciwko zakodowaniu mistrzostw!
“Skoro bierzecie pieniądze od ludzi za możliwość oglądania meczów, to ja nie będę reklamował was za darmo”
Plamen Konstantinov, trener representacji Bułgarii (via malditomundo)

whatslifewithoutfandoms:

tortillah:

remember when zack and cody entered a parallel universe

and london was smart

image

and maddie was dumb

image

and esteban was a woman

image

so basically they were their stereotypes

blxckbiird:

babeobaggins:

this is still SO FUNNY

"so what text me!" seriously hoW SHITTY OF A PERSON ARE YOU
orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

nazipervert:

"I’ll just leave that there"

damn homie just ripped his arm off and walked away that is some hardcore shit right there